Resolving Unmet Needs in Intimacy
Dec 31, 2021
Unmet needs are one of the biggest source of disconnect in intimacy.
This is particularly true (and valuable) for those with histories of codependent relationships.
Therefore examining how we identify and meet our own needs is a common area of focus in 1x1 SovSex coaching.
~~
😩 NEEDS 😩
Identifying needs can feel like a massive untangling of many layers of emotional charge, attachment styles, lifestyle, circumstances, and sometimes trauma all wrapped up in a messy dynamic of dysfunction…
and sure, that can be a lot to face, but luckily in there’s an easier and more accessible way to get clarity on our needs faster than it may seem… through the body
🌀 To simplify things, it’s a process of:
💫1. Cultivating self-awareness and somatic awareness of your body sensations
💫2. Learning to listen and identify body wisdoms of “yes” and “no”
💫3. Identifying what your needs are based on yes/no
This can be achieved 2 ways:
👉A. stated in as a positive-affirmative (eg “I need safety”) or
👉B. through opposite of the negative (e.g. “he never listens to me” > “I need to feel heard”)
💫 4. Communicating those needs from a grounded, strong, centered place with a safe person (ie me as their coach to start with)
💫5. Seeking need fulfillment from within themselves first; AND to practice sourcing their own needs within their community by either making clear request or enforcing clear boundaries in IRL relationships.
~~~
ROOT ISSUES: HOW DO YOU RELATE TO SECURITY?
🏡 🌍 👨👩👧👦 💰
A lot around “security” comes up in discussions of needs. And indeed, building self-compassion and healthy coping skills for insecurities is worthwhile too.
This is why we keep an ongoing SovSex #PersonalizedPractice for ourselves, regardless of our relationship status or satisfaction, so that we may tend to our ongoing journeys of growth.
With practice we can speak the truth with radical honesty, and create connections in alignment with our own values. So that we may hold ourselves accountable and in integrity; and co-create reciprocal, conscious relationships.
~~~
Lets all strive to be worthy partners of our own ideal partner(s), and humans who are both willing/capable of meeting their needs AND ours.
🌀 🤍
