Better Boundaries Build Closer Intimacy

Boundaries are the cornerstone pillars of intimacy.

Boundaries are the infrastructure, process, system, and container through which we welcome others to meet our sacred needs and desires.

⁣Boundaries can be fluid and dynamic, and at their highest expression, function like cell walls.

There is innate, natural intelligence there: keep out what is inflaming, toxic, or damaging; allow in what is supportive, nourishing, critical, healing. ⁣

There are certain defining qualities and characteristics to how boundaries operate: ⁣

> their texture/substance

> their timing/rhythm - A boundary may open slowly or quickly, or ebb and flow ⁣

> their intelligence ⁣

> the underlying "thing" needing protection⁣

> their secret keys for opening ⁣

> their innate responses and coping mechanisms ⁣

> its physical/energetic nature ⁣

Most people hear ”boundaries” they think about pushing others away, saying a hard no, and turning things into black-and-white decisions. ⁣

⁣Many people are afraid of building strong boundaries, or don't know how to enact boundaries without immediately resorting to a huffy "well this is just who I am now!" type of declaration, which usually results in backlash and the boundary failing, which leads to a lack of confidence in ability to set boundaries, which leads to a relapse in behavior patterns.

You can imagine how this also spins out into relationships and confusion too. ⁣

Also we are often afraid of the retaliation that inevitably comes in the form of confusion, doubt, sublimation, and frustration of outside forces (especially from loved ones) when we change our boundaries.⁣

That's because boundaries get to the heart of power dynamics, get to the heart of patterns that interplay between energetic forces and personalities, and cut through the stories and noise of what is happening around us. ⁣

In the moment, especially a heated one, it's difficult to boil everything down into one simple yes/no choice.⁣

⁣When this is understood and honored as a core principle of sovereign sexuality, the sense that boundaries can change at any given moment is not a threatening one. ⁣

It becomes the ultimate safety container.